Pausing to begin

As students at a small elite college in the east, my friends and I talked a lot about vocation and calling. My heart and imagination were fired by the notion that all of us have an overriding purpose in life. I was taught and believed that finding and living in that purpose is a key to a productive and worthwhile life. So I set out from college to find my purpose in life, to make my mark on the world, to see what I could do. In the headiness of graduation and with no small measure of arrogance, I imagined that somehow life would come calling, that I would up and do great things or be a part of great movements.

Except, it hasn't turned out that way. After college, I got a job, changed jobs, changed jobs again (and again). I got married, had kids. I vote regularly, keep abreast of the news, pay my taxes, go to church on Sundays, and generally try to live a decent life. And it is a good life, really.  I love my wife and adore my kids; I have friends and family who love me; I've got a job that pays the bills. And yet...

Nearing middle age, I find myself still waiting for life to begin. At the point in my career when I should be "hitting my stride," I don't know what I want to do when I grow up. I have this gnawing sense that I'm not firing on all cylinders, that I could be doing something more. (More what? Productive? Meaningful?) And I still want to believe that at the intersection of my gifts and the needs of the world around me, there is that for which I was made.  I suspect that I have missed something along the way.

So I plan to explore that here. I want to reflect on questions about life and vocation, examine choices I have made and am making, try to connect dots that have been in front of my face all along, and maybe stumble upon something useful. I anticipate the blog format to help add discipline to the process. And I hope, perhaps, that others will benefit from these questions and reflections-- and that I will benefit from other eyes seeing and pointing out pieces that would otherwise remain hidden to me.

So here's to calling and a prayer for ears to hear.